This is Eddie from Michael Rosen's book Lust and Romance available at Amazon. - Image by Michael Rosen
Here are all the facts, experiences, techniques and media/links we have on:

Euphemisms for Masturbation

Using the phrase "Bring yourself off" is a euphemism.  Here's our list.  Please feel welcome to add to it.

The List So Far

  • Bleeding The Weed
  • Beating The Bishop
  • Hogging The Elmer's Glue
  • Surfing With The Alien
  • Riding The Service Elevator
  • Lubing The Lightning Rod
  • Morphing The Dwarf Worf
  • Giving The Naked Mole Rat A Noogie
  • Launching The Catfish
  • Caulking The Comforter
  • Slugging The Scud
  • Choking The Chihuahua
  • Buffing The Bone
  • Tweeting The Meat Whistle
  • Poking The Trojan
  • Stroking The String Cheese
  • Chafing The Chipmunk
  • Petting The Penguin
  • Strangling The Mime
  • Wringing The Rooster
  • Squeezing Tweety Bird
  • Pine-Tarring The Louisville Slugger
  • Flying The Flag
  • Playing Pocket Pool
  • Smacking The Jack-In-The-Box
  • Stepping Into A Slim Jim
  • Dowsing The Trouser Mouse
  • Stuffing The Five-Fingered Turkey
  • Tackling The Hamburglar
  • Greasing Grimmace
  • Getting Special Sauce From Mayor McCheese
  • Scolding The Squirrel
  • Paddling The Pickle
  • Tweaking The Leek
  • De-Lousing The Naked Clown
  • Grooming The Komodo Dragon
  • Tickling The Chicken
  • Having Tea With Tigger
  • Boxing Gandhi
  • Smothering The Monkey
  • Boinking Big Boy
  • Grasping The Grouper
  • Flibhabbling The Winkerpoodel
  • Noosing The Loch Ness Monster
  • Cuddling With The Cumquat
  • Spanking The Anteater
  • Fingering The Flesh Fretboard
  • Making The White River Flow
  • Finding Waldo
  • Hiding Saddam In The Bunker
  • Pistol-Whipping The Python
  • Heimliching Herve Villechaize
  • Wagging The Worm
  • Carpaling The Tunnel Syndrome
  • Goosing The Cobra
  • Sumo-Wrestling With Tom Thumb
  • Priming The Geyser
  • Tweaking The Ewok
  • Retching The Echidna
  • Fluffing The Fajita
  • Necklacing The Burrito
  • Tugging On Santa's Beard
  • Nerfing The Herder
  • Clubbing The Seal
  • Stabbing Rosy Palmer
  • High-Fiving The Hairless Mole
  • Whacking The Quacker
  • Spearing The Zero
  • Pinching The Snickers
  • Draping The Tapeworm
  • Getting The Air Pregnant
  • Johnny Coming Lately
  • Oiling The Skin Flute
  • Massaging Ronald Reagan
  • Unblocking The Exhaust
  • Making Garth Hurl
  • Bonking The Dachshund
  • Kneading The Knob
  • Putting Decals On The Pocket Rocket
  • Rubbing The Magic Lamp
  • Shaving The Sweet Potato
  • Wreathing The Enchilada
  • Jerking The Gherkin
  • Flaying The Playdoh
  • Clasping The Asp
  • Coaxing The Turtle Out Of The Shell
  • Rolfing Jabba
  • Waxing The Dolphin
  • Having A Vaseline Sandwich
  • Making Bob Barr Bob For Apples
  • Bum-Rushing The Gusher
  • Teasing The Tortoise
  • Silencing Senor Wences
  • Snuffing The Snail
  • Garroting The Carrot
  • Squelching The Squirming Kermit
  • Groping Super Grover
  • Tickling The Elmo
  • Making Big Bird Scream
  • Feeding KY To Cookie Monster
  • Getting Oscar Even Grouchier
  • Muffling Mr. Snufalafugus
  • Crimping The Tadpole
  • Squirting The Squid
  • Jerking The Smurf
  • Frisking The Furby
  • Mugging The Slug
  • Jacking The Rat
  • Torturing The Teletubby
  • Catapulting The Manbatter
  • Scaring The Puffer Fish
  • Battering Baldrick
  • Stifling The Newt
  • Soothing The Squealing Pig
  • Leeching The Catfish
  • Jimining The Cricket
  • Putting Pants On Donald Duck
  • Making Goofy Tap-Dance
  • Gargling The Garden Hose
  • Bill Gating
  • Culturing The Yogurt
  • Waxing The Salamander
  • Adjusting Mr. Happy's Helmet
  • Shaking Down The Jawa
  • Workin' Out The Wookie
  • Pumping Out Nacho Sauce
  • Juking With Jergen's
  • Soiling The Ceiling
  • Gorging On Gravy
  • Doodling The Yankee Till He's Dandy
  • Shining The Shaved Ferret
  • Cracking Jimmy's Corn
  • Hardening The Aardvark
  • Going The Distance With Tex Cobb
  • Putting Faces On The Totem Pole
  • Twisting The Pixie Stick
  • Soaking The Gourd
  • Milking The Mongoose
  • Throttling The Duck
  • Gagging Gollum
  • Dabbing At The Crab
  • Corsaging The Blue Dress
  • The Ole Hubba Bubba
  • Twirling The Javelin
  • Bruising The Goose
  • Waving The Baton
  • Making The Meat Puppet Talk
  • Parking The Shark
  • Threading The Knuckle Needle
  • Thumping The Pumpkin
  • Drowning The Hobbit
  • Slapping Sluggo
  • Solving Rubik's Phallus
  • Faking Karate With Little Elvis
  • Lap-Based Web Browsing
  • Gettin' Some Air Nookie
  • Wrangling The Invertebrate Serpent
  • Tango Con Mano
  • Jostling Your Elder
  • Ruminating & Pondering
  • Shaking Your Fist At The Ex-Girlfriend
  • Releasing The Hostages
  • Tickling Your Elmo
  • Fixing The Hubble
  • Putting The Seminal Luge Team Through Their Paces
  • Carnal Tunnel Syndrome
  • Beta-Testing The Hardware
  • Downloading From Your Own Website
  • Evicting The Testicular Squatters
  • Manually Increasing The Surface Temperature Of The Ship's Primary Cannon By Repeated Linear Manipulation
  • Pocket Punch 'N' Judy
  • Signing Your John Hancock
  • Dragging Thyself To Hell, One Hand's Breadth At A Time
  • Emptyin' The Saloon
  • Waving To Queen Victoria
  • Trying For A Scarlet "M"
  • Oiling The Pennywhistle
  • Assaulting The Tower Of London
  • Cleaning The Musket
  • Quashing The Southern Uprising
  • Monitoring Your Merrimac
  • Driving The Golden Spike
  • Delivering The Ejaculation Proclamation
  • Churning The Codpiece Butter
  • Square Dancing With Satan
  • Addressing Lord Palmer
  • Making The Bald Man Cry
  • Playing The Single String Guitar
  • Consulting Your Silent Partner
  • Wrist Aerobics
  • Burping The Baby
  • Shaking Hands With The Unemployed
  • Tugging The Slug
  • Clearing The Snorkel
  • Tenderizing The Tube Steak
  • Bashing The Candle
  • Choking Kojak
  • Fiddling The Flesh Flute
  • Flogging The Log
  • Toss The Turkey
  • Toss Yogurt
  • Tug The Slug
  • Twang The Wire
  • Tweak Your Twinkie
  • Twist Your Crank
  • Unloading The Gun
  • Varnish The Flagpole
  • Wake The Dead
  • Walk The Dog
  • Walk The Plank
  • Wank
  • Wank With The One-Eyed Wonder Weasel
  • Wash The Meat
  • Wax The Buick
  • Wax The Carrot
  • Wax The Dolphin
  • Wax The Surfboard
  • Waxin' N' Milkin'
  • Whack Willy
  • Whack It
  • Whack Off
  • Whack The Weasel
  • Whip Off
  • Whip The Dummy
  • Whip The One-Eyed Trouser Snake
  • Whip The One-Eyed Worm
  • Whip The Rat
  • Whip The Stiff
  • Whip The Wire
  • Whip Up Some Sour Cream
  • Whip Your Dripper
  • Whittle The Stick
  • Whizzin' Jism
  • Windsurf On Mount Baldy
  • Wonk Your Conker
  • Work Off
  • Work Things Out
  • Wrestle The Dragon
  • Wrestle The Eel
  • Wrestling With The Bald Champ
  • Wring Out Your Rope
  • Wrist Aerobics
  • Yank
  • Yank Off
  • Yank The Crank
  • Yank The Yoyo
  • Yank Your Plank
  • Wanking
  • Jacking Off
  • Jerking Off
  • Whacking Off
  • Beating Off
  • Beating The Meat
  • Beating The Bishop
  • Saluting The Bishop
  • Slammin' The Ham
  • Stroking Off
  • Making Beef
  • Strokin' Off
  • Jerkin' The Gherkin
  • Pecking At Jimmy
  • Doing The Peter Beater
  • Stroking The Sausage
  • Squeezing The Lizard
  • Bopping The Baloney
  • Wringing The Weasel
  • Shaking Hands With The Unemployed
  • Making A Date With Rosie Redpalm And Her Five Sisters
  • Going Out With Felicia Five Fingers
  • Sharing A Moment With Yourself
  • Making A Choadload
  • Polishing The Baton
  • Churning The Butter
  • Choking Your Chicken
  • Stirring With The Skin Ladle
  • Waxing The Dolphin
  • Making The Puppet Spit
  • Giving Yourself A Hand
  • Making The Sound Of One Hand Clapping
  • Giving Yourself A High Hard One
  • Priming The Pump
  • Whipping Yourself Into A Frenzy
  • Pulling The Pud
  • Doing One-Handed Pull Ups
  • Wringing Out The Old
  • Making Soup For One
  • Getting A Handle On The Situation
  • Squeezing Off A Round
  • Playing Slopscotch
  • Charming The Trouser Snake
  • Making A Mess Of Things
  • Answering The Bone-A-Phone
  • Adjusting The Vertical Hold
  • Getting A Grip On Things
  • Doing The Five-Knuckle Shuffle
  • Palming The Top Card
  • Purging The System
  • Playing Solitaire
  • Making The Cream Rise To The Top
  • Just Add Water
  • Make Your Own Sauce
  • Doing A Load By Hand
  • Getting The Upper Hand
  • Pulling The Porpoise
  • Riding The One Handed Bicycle
  • Taking A Solo On The Skin Flute
  • Cramming For Finals
  • Hitting The Jizm Trail
  • Firing A Protein Torpedo
  • Slip Sliding Away
  • Marching To The Beat Of A Different Drummer
  • Aiming For The Stars
  • Milking It For All It's Worth
  • Stroking The Pony
  • Taking A Shot In The Dark
  • Gland Handling
  • I Wanna Hold My Gland
  • Going For The Gold
  • Taming The Trouser Shrew
  • Wrestling Willie
  • Teasing The Wonder Worm
  • Polishing The Purple-Helmeted Love Warrior
  • Lettin' Ol' Sniffer Out For A Run
  • Making The Swelling Go Down
  • Pleasing The Throbber
  • Heading Yourself Off At The Pass
  • Bringing It On Home
  • Cramping Your Style
  • 5 Digit Disco
  • Buzzing The Honey Hole
  • Backslappin' Betty
  • Bailing Out The Gravy Boat
  • Beaver Bashin'
  • Bouncing The Bearded Clam
  • Buffing The Box
  • Buffing The Jewel
  • Butter Schlopping
  • Buttering Up The Whisker Biscuit
  • Clam Twiddlin' Jamboree
  • Critter Crammin'
  • Damming The Beaver
  • Dialing "O" On The Little Pink Telephone
  • Diddling Miss Daisy
  • Diggin' For Clams
  • Digitis Erectus
  • Drillin' For Oil
  • Feeding The Love Monster
  • Fingering The Fountain
  • Friday Night Lip Service
  • Frosting The Muffin Of Love
  • Giving Herself The Finger
  • Going For The Gooey Duct
  • Impeaching Bush
  • Juicing The Clam
  • Letting Her Fingers Do The Walking
  • Lip Smacking M
  • Swearing in the Purple Helmet Warrior
  • Making The Kitten Purr
  • Ménage A'mois
  • Performing A Pearl Jam
  • Petting The Kitty
  • Piddly Diddler
  • Playin' The Slots
  • Playing The Squeezebox
  • Pokin' The Pie
  • Polishing The Little Pink Pearl
  • Pumping The Kooter
  • Punchin' The Chipmunk
  • Reading In Braille
  • Riding The Clitoris-Sauras
  • Romancing Thy Own
  • Roughing Up The Suspect
  • Scrubbin' The Cake Pan
  • Self-Guided Tuna Boat Tour
  • Slopping The Hog
  • Smacking Jerry Garcia On The Nose
  • Smacking The Clam
  • Spanking Lucy
  • Splitting The Stocks
  • Spreading The Joy
  • Stirring The Cauldron
  • Stroking The Newt
  • Ticklin' The Taco
  • Tissue Tickling
  • Twiddlin' The Bean
  • Twirling The Pearl
  • Unbuttoning The Fur Coat
  • Doin' The Han Solo
  • Doing Your Homework
  • Drilling For Oil
  • Fastening The Chin Strap On The Helmet Of Love
  • Fire The Surgeon General
  • Fishing With Dynamite
  • Helping Put Mr. Kleenex's Kids Through College
  • Holding Your Own
  • Left To Your Own Devices
  • Liquidating The Inventory
  • Making A Cash Withdrawal
  • Minding Your Own Business
  • Pat The Robertson
  • Playing Solitaire
  • Putting Your Thumb In The Porridge
  • Raining On Your Parade
  • Relishing Your Hot Dog
  • Rubbing Yourself Until You Have An Orgasm Sampling The Secret Sauce
  • Shooting Yourself In The Foot
  • Spending Your Christmas Bonus
  • Stewing In Your Own Juices
  • Summoning The Genie
  • Taking A Load Off
  • Taking Matters Into Your Own Hands
  • Toying With Your Death Star
  • Using The Force
  • Varnishing The Banister
  • Wrestling With Your Emotions
  • Working Up A Foamy Lather
  • Arm-Wrestle With Your One-Eyed Vessel
  • Attack The One-Eyed Purple-Headed Warrior
  • Audition The Finger Puppets
  • Audition Your Hand Puppet
  • Backstroke Roulette
  • Bash The Candle
  • Battle With The Purple Helmeted Warrior Of Love
  • Be Your Own Best Friend
  • Beat Off
  • Beat The Bishop
  • Beat The Bologna
  • Beat The Dummy
  • Beat The Meat
  • Beat The Pud
  • Beat The Stick
  • Beat Up Your Date
  • Beef Tips Stroking Off
  • Bleed The Weed
  • Blow Your Load
  • Blow Your Own Horn
  • Bludgeon The Beefsteak
  • Bop The Bologna
  • Bop The Bonzo
  • Box The Jesuit
  • Box With Richard
  • Buff The Banana
  • Bugger Your Hand
  • Burp The Baby
  • Burp The Worm
  • Butter The Corn
  • Caning The Vandal
  • Charm The Snake
  • Check For Testicular Cancer
  •  Cheese Off
  •  Choke Kojak
  • Choke The Chicken
  • Choke The Sheriff And Wait For The Posse To Come
  • Clamp The Pipe
  • Clean Your Rifle
  • Clear The Snorkel
  • Climb The Tree
  • Closet Frisbee
  • Come Into Your Own
  • Cook The Cream Of Cock
  • Corral Your Tadpole
  • Couch Hockey For One
  • Crank The Love Pump
  • Crank The Shank
  • Crimp The Wire
  • Crown The King
  • Cuddle The Kielbasa
  • Cuff The Carrot
  • Daisy-Chaining
  • Date Miss Michigan
  • Date Mrs. Palmer And Her Five Daughters
  • Date Rosie Palm And Her Five Sisters
  • Defrosting The Fridge
  • Diddle
  • Digital Penile Oscillation
  • Do It Your Way
  • Do Handiwork
  • Do The White Knuckler
  • Do The Janitor Thing
  • Drain The Monster
  • Dry Humping The Ottoman
  • Electing The President
  • Engage In Safe Sex
  • Exercise One's Right
  • Feed The Ducks
  • Fiddle The Flesh Flute
  • Fist Fuck
  • Fist Your Mister
  • Five Knuckle Shuffle
  • Five-Knuckle-Shuffle On The Old Piss Pump
  • Flick Your Bic
  • Fling Your Phallus
  • Flip The Bishop
  • Flog The Bishop
  • Flog The Dog
  • Flog The Dolphin
  • Flog The Dong
  • Flog The Hog
  • Flog The Log
  • Flog The Mule
  • Fly Fishing
  • Fondle Your Flagpole
  • Free Willy
  • Teasing the Trouser Trout
  • Frost The Pastries
  • Gallop The Antelope
  • Gallop The Old Lizard
  • Genital Stimulation Via Phallengetic Motion
  • Get A Date With Slick Mittens
  • Get Chafed
  • Get Off
  • Get The German Soldier Marching
  • Get To Know Yourself
  • Get Your Pole Varnished
  • Give It A Tug
  • Give Your Low Five
  • Go A Couple Of Rounds With Ol' Josh
  • Go Blind
  • Go On A Date With Fisty Palmer
  • Go On A Date With Handrea And Palmela
  • Go The Blow
  • Goose The Gherkin
  • Grease The Pipe
  • Hack The Hog
  • Hand Job
  • Hand Shandy
  • Hard Labor
  • Have One Off The Wrist
  • Hitchhike To Heaven
  • Hitchhike Underneath The Big Top
  • Hold The Bishop
  • Hold The Sausage Hostage
  • Hone The Cone
  • Honk Your Horn
  • Hug The Hog
  • Human Version Of Autoexec.Bat
  • Hump Your Hose
  • Jack Hammer
  • Jack Off
  • Jazz Yourself
  • Jerk
  • Jerk Jamby
  • Jerk It
  • Jerk Off
  • Jerk The Gherkin
  • Jizzlob
  • Jocelyneldering
  • Kick Your Roommate Out For Five To Ten Minutes To "Call Your Parents"
  • Look For Ticks
  • Lope The Mule
  • Love The Muppet
  • Love's Labors Lost
  • Make A Foreskin Cone
  • Make Instant Pudding
  • Make The Bald Man Puke
  • Making Soup
  • Mangle The Midget
  • Manipulate The Mango
  • Manual Labor
  • Manual Override
  • Master Bacon, Meet Rosie Hancock
  • Meat With Mother Thumb And Her Four Daughters
  • Milk The Lizard
  • Milk The Cow
  • Milk The Moose
  • Milk The Self
  • Milking The Lizard
  • Mount A Corporal And Four
  • Much Goo About Nothing
  • Nerk Your Throbber
  • Null The Void
  • Oil The Glove
  • Onan's Olympics
  • One Gun Salute
  • One Man Band
  • One-Night-Stand With Yourself
  • Pack Your Palm
  • Paddle The Pickle
  • Paint The Ceiling
  • Paint The Pickle
  • Palm The Calm
  • Peel Some Chilis
  • Peel The Banana
  • Perform Diagnostics On Your Mantool
  • Pet The Lizard
  • Pip The Pumpkin
  • Play Uno
  • Play A Little Five-On-One
  • Play A One Stringed Guitar
  • Play Five Against One
  • Play In A One-Man Show
  • Play Peek-A-Boo
  • Play Pocket Pinball
  • Play Pocket Pool
  • Play Tag With The Pink Torpedo
  • Play The Skin Flute
  • Play Tug-O-War With Cyclops
  • Play With Your Turtle (For Uncircumcised Guys)
  • Playing The One-Stringed Melody
  • Please Your Pisser
  • Plunk Your Twanger
  • Polish Percy In Your Palm
  • Polish The Rocket
  • Polish The Family Jewels
  • Polish The Helmet
  • Polish The Rock-Hard Staff Of St. Peter
  • Polish The Rocket
  • Polish The Sword
  • Pound Off
  • Pound The Bald-Headed Moose
  • Pound The Pud
  • Pound Your Flounder
  • Pound Your Pud
  • Prepare The Carrot
  • Prime The Pump
  • Pull Off
  • Pull Rank
  • Pull The Bologna Pony
  • Pull The Carrot
  • Pull The Cord
  • Pull The Goalie
  • Pull The Pole
  • Pull The Pope
  • Pull The Pud
  • Pull Your Own Leg
  • Pull Your Prick
  • Pull Your Taffy
  • Pump The Python
  • Pump The Stump
  • Punch The Clown
  • Punch The Munchkin
  • Punish Percy In Your Palm
  • Ram The Ham
  • Relieve Tension
  • Ride The Great White Knuckler
  • Roll Your Own
  • Romeo And Himself
  • Rope The Pony
  • Rope The Pope
  • Rub Off
  • Rub One Out
  • Rub The Pink Eraser
  • Run Off A Batch By Hand
  • Sacrifice Sperm To The God Of Lonely Nights
  • Safest Sex
  • Sand Wood
  • Scour The Tower Of Power
  • Scratch The Itch
  • Secret Handshake
  • Self Abuse
  • Self-Induced Penile Regurgitation
  • Sex With Someone You Really Love
  • Shag
  • Shake Hands With Abe Lincoln
  • Shake Hands With Yul Brynner
  • Shake Hands With The Midget
  • Shake Hands With The Unemployed
  • Shake Hands With Your John Thomas
  • Shake Hands With Your Wife's Best Friend
  • Shake The Sauce
  • Shake The Sausage
  • Shake The Snake
  • Shaling The Snake
  • Shellac The Shillelagh
  • Shemp The Hog
  • Shift Gears
  • Shine The Helmet
  • Shine Your Pole
  • Shoot For The Moon
  • Shoot Putty At The Moon
  • Shoot The Airplane
  • Shuck Your Corn
  • Slakin' The Bacon
  • Slam The Ham
  • Slam The Salami
  • Slam The Salmon
  • Slam The Spam
  • Slap High Fives With Yul Brynner
  • Slap It
  • Slap Pappy
  • Slap The Carrot
  • Slap The Clown
  • Slap The Donkey
  • Slap The Pud
  • Slap The Purple Headed Yogurt Pistol
  • Slap The Salami
  • Sling The Jelly
  • Smack Off
  • Smack The Salami
  • Snap The Monkey
  • Snap The Rubber
  • Snap The Whip
  • Solo Flight
  • Solo Marathon
  • Solo Sex
  • Spank Frank (Or Elvis)
  • Spank The Bishop
  • Spank The Frank
  • Spank The Monkey
  • Spank The Salami
  • Spank The Wank
  • Squeeze The Cheese
  • Squeeze The Juice
  • Squeeze The Toothpaste In The Middle Of The Tube
  • Squeeze Your Cheese-Dog
  • Stinky Pinky
  • Stir The Batter
  • Stir The Yogurt
  • Strain The Main Vein
  • Stroke It
  • Stroke Off
  • Stroke The Carrot
  • Stroke The Dog
  • Stroke The Mole
  • Stroke The One-Eyed Burping Gecko
  • Stroke The Satin-Headed Serpent
  • Stroke Your Poker
  • Stroke Your Twinkie
  • Strumming The One String Harp
  • Take Matters Into Your Own Hands
  • Take Part In Population Control
  • Take The Fifth
  • Take The Monster For A One-Armed Ride
  • Talk Quietly To Yourself
  • Tame The Shrew
  • Taunt The One-Eyed Weasel
  • Tease The Weenie
  • Tenderize The Tube Steak
  • Test The Testicles
  • Test Your Batteries
  • That Crazy Hand Jive
  • The Colonel Sanders Heimleich Maneuver
  • The Art Of Unisex
  • The Five Knuckle Shuffle
  • Thrash Your Thing
  • Thump The Pump
  • Thump Your Thong
  • Tickle The Ivory
  •  Tickle The Pickle
  • Tickle The Taco
  • Ticklewigglejigglepickle
  • Toss Off
  • Toss The Snag
  • Wag The Dog
  • Southen Handshake
  • Southpaw Salute
  • Singing With The Barbershop Quintet

Resources

-- Wanker